March 8, 2023. A revolutionary day in celebrity marketing history.
CardiB’s hawking McDonald’s’ hamburgers. Ed Sheeran is selling hot sauces. Beyoncé performed at the opening of a luxury hotel in Dubai.
Some didn’t like the optics of a former stripper with a spicy vocabulary being associated with a bland restaurant, or purveyor of gay music performing in a don’t-lay-gay country. CardiB and Beyoncé made the mistake of violating the law of celebrity brandwidth, a theory I just made up that states a celebrity can only sell products that fall within the range of values of their personal brand. For example, Ed Sheeran, the man with the ketchup tattoo, is free to sell any tomato-based product.
Pity the poor celebrity who’s associated with such well-defined values that they’re stuck promoting the few products that reflect well on their image. The luckiest celebrity has solid name recognition, but ill-defined values. There’s no limit to what they can promote.
At one end of the celebrity marketing spectrum is Lady Gaga, a woman with born-this-way-baby authenticity. You’d never see Lady Gaga performing in Dubai because that would violate her progressive values and upset her Little Monsters. Actually, you could see Lady Gaga performing in Dubai, but you’d have to keep it a secret.
At the opposite end of the spectrum is Snoop Dogg. You can’t pin Snoop down as embracing anything other than playful intoxication, make-believe menace, and Martha Stewart. Snoop can promote everything from weed to Skechers, and there’s nobody in the Doggpound to protest.
The theory of celebrity brandwidth made perfect sense to me until March 8, 2023, the day feminist icon Gloria Steinem appeared on a stage in Abu Dhabi to celebrate International Women’s Day.
Like Dubai, Abu Dhabi is a city in the United Arab Emirates, a contradictory country of abayas and bikinis, mosques and pubs, where there are gender equality laws, but women’s rights are mediated through a male guardian. Women can work in a job of their choosing. With the approval of their guardian. Women who work without their guardian’s consent are considered to be misbehaving. In the U.A.E., misbehaving women can be legally subject to domestic violence that can legally escalate to murder.
Female expats in the U.A.E. are advised to have an exit strategy. The New Yorker has chronicled the harrowing escape, capture, and brutal imprisonment of Latifa, the daughter of Dubai’s ruling emir who is also Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates. “I have never known true freedom,” she said. “For me, it is something worth dying for.” Latifa and her older sister Shamsa who was similarly captured, drugged and imprisoned, after fleeing her father in in London, are the victims of a man and a society that publicly supports gender equality, but privately treats women like possessions.
When the United Arab Emirates celebrated Gloria Steinem’s femwashing appearance that branded it as an up-and-coming feminist utopia, Beyoncé was retroactively forgiven for her leaked private Atlantis Dubai concert. She didn’t violate her progressive values. Beyoncé’s concert blazed a trail for Gloria Steinem, Billie Jean King, and Hillary Clinton!
As of March 8th, 2023, any celebrity can promote anything. Celebrity brandwidth is infinite.
When United Arab Emirates welcomed a panel of smiling feminists to celebrate International Women’s Day, we entered the age of marketing absurdism. Soon you’ll see Bad Bunny’s glow-in-the-dark Crocs in the Museum of Modern Art and Kanye promoting bagels. The only failed celebrity promotions are those that result in class-action lawsuits or $1.3 billion in useless merchandise.
And the United Arab Emirates is the new gold standard for brand marketing.
Inspiration for this article:
https://www.newyorker.com/podcast/political-scene/the-fugitive-princess-forced-to-return-to-dubai
The Fugitive Princess Forced to Return to Dubai
Heidi Blake discusses her bombshell reporting on the Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates’ abuse of his daughters, and the world leaders who looked the other way.
By Heidi Blake with Tyler Foggatt, The New Yorker
May 3, 2023
https://www.vice.com/en/article/4axkaj/beyonce-corporate-events-jay-siegan-booking-entertainment
Inside the Secret Shady World of Corporate Concerts
From Beyoncé to Flo Rida, bookers spill the wildest stories of the shady, high-paying private gig industry.
by Kyle MacNeill, Vice
February 23, 2023
